[ Blade's lips curl upward into a little smirk as he watches the tiny breakdown before his very eyes. ]
I'm uncertain what an Archon is. Enlighten me.
...Though, you don't look to have been selecting anything to read. Unless it was to engage in unique research on how to do the exact opposite of studying.
[ ...Blade hadn't expected there to be two titles presented here.
Well, he supposes he did ask. Considering the response, though? He does so happen to note that there's that pride. One he seems to like better over the other. ]
[ That's a strange thing for him to hear someone say - but, G'raha who once had a similar outlook towards him on life, seems to have conquered many such hurdles.
And rare does he see those who are able to look ahead, leaving the past as the past. Even among the Stellaron Hunters, that remains the case. ]
...Considering how you have been, your answer doesn't surprise me.
[ The one that almost turned into an argument, he means. ]
I've no option but to leave the past behind. While I still carry my experiences within my heart, if I wanted to follow through on my desire to press forward, it was imperative I let many of my responsibilities go.
[ He looks at Blade for a long, long moment, bewilderment clear on his face. His eyes are wide, his lips are parted slightly, and his ears are flat against his head. ]
I...
[ G'raha's hand rubs along his forearm. A nervous habit. ]
You think too highly of me. I should rightfully caution you to temper your expectations of me.
[ There is a slight smile which on his face might look like it has no business being there. ]
Are they? Never imagined someone would say that of whatever words I had to give.
[ But, apparently this is the case.
Blade's more or less truthfully someone who doesn't hold back his opinions; though he is to the point about them in the first place. ]
...But, this time I know I didn't say anything unpleasant. If you think that way, the disappointment that eventually arrives from my future conduct will be worse. Though, for now, it isn't.
As I said before, Blade, only I am able to measure my disappointment.
[ And he'll worry about what-ifs when they happen. Fretting over it now serves neither of them, he thinks, and it's why he offers a gentle smile rather than a harsh or scolding tone like before. ]
I did have a topic I was hoping to broach with you, if you would hear of it.
[ Blade has...somewhat learned his lesson in that by now, beyond the practicality of not belaboring the matter, naturally, so he will say this; and, well, he is making some motions through how to interact with people (character development, maybe. Who knows.) But, on the other matter, he is a bit curious. ]
On my star, a friend and I worked on a condition known as "tempering." Said condition occurs when a primal—a god, if you will—exerts their will on an individual. Those impacted by tempering can only think of their god and nothing else. They lose their personhood.
[ He lifts a hand to his chin. ]
Alisaie had transferred this treatment from the reflection of our star, where she treated individuals who were slowly losing their personhood and would eventually transform into a monster. [ He looks up at Blade. ] Both of these conditions were treatable by the method we uncovered.
So... I was wondering if this would be of interest to you. I wonder if it could uncover some of your memories.
[ G'raha pauses, sits back in his chair. ]
I apologize if I am overstepping, but I could not help but think back to this treatment as I pondered on your condition.
[ If Blade had heard this from the start of his stay here, he would have rejected it, mocked him, and even derided such words. It isn't that he has suddenly immediately turned a leaf in all of the things that he is - he has a lot wrong with him - but, he is realizing that, besides the Stellaron Hunters, he hasn't had people genuinely try to help him.
Not to say things weren't rough, that he didn't...uh, explode pretty hard here or there, or something, but the fact that he sit here and listen to it at all means something. ]
...I don't understand how it works.
[ He is curious about the more intricate details of it. ]
Recalling my memories isn't normally a good idea. It tends to exacerbate my condition.
[ Mara, that is. Granted he has other complications like phantom pains, and all that too, but Mara is at the forefront of it all. ]
Kafka had a way to suppress that condition. If there was a method I could use to do that or, in the extreme unlikelihood, be rid of it entirely, this 'tempering'...would potentially be of benefit.
'Twould be a treatment using magic. We feed the proper spell into your body in an attempt to flush out the symptoms of your condition.
[ He crosses his arms. ]
I will have to do my own research on the spell, as well as run tests to ensure that it would work and not exacerbate your symptoms. [ A pause. ] I would not run these tests on you.
The process is gradual. You likely will not feel anything new after two or three sessions.
[ There's a moment where there is a lopsided smile. ]
...Good.
[ Now he is even more inclined to accept this. Due to other personal, unhealthy reasons haven't exactly vaporized completely as of yet. He doesn't say anything else on the matter. ]
I've decided. I would like to try this method of yours out...should we both live.
After all, there is no guarantee of anything before then.
[ Blade supposes he'll be potentially mentioning this to Dan Heng.
Whatever happens, he is an important facet to his life. ]
...I don't think I deserve this much thought.
But, I know what you would say, so don't worry about wasting your breath.
[ A little sly smile. Blade is saying in his own words he is kind of grateful. He's a difficult man; and he still thinks he'll make G'raha regret his association with him, but...the red-haired man is continuously persistent in ways he is familiar with - once again - and doesn't mind too much. ]
G'raha is, in fact, about to waste his breath and go on about friendship and what it means to him, so he quickly closes his mouth just after it opens. ]
Then I will not. So, I will instead give you some parting optimism.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
done
[ he’s being attacked!!!!! ]
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I'm uncertain what an Archon is. Enlighten me.
...Though, you don't look to have been selecting anything to read. Unless it was to engage in unique research on how to do the exact opposite of studying.
[ G'raha is, in fact, being attacked. ]
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[ Gosh, don’t be ridiculous!! ]
An Archon is a high-ranking scholar in Sharlayan. Once you have completed a thesis of great import, you’re marked with the signifiers of an Archon.
[ He points to his neck. ]
These tattoos are Archon marks.
[ G’raha has another tattoo on his shoulder, too, which Blade has probably seen simply by sharing a living space. ]
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[ Blade will be as ridiculous as he so wishes.
As for the tattoos, he'll be glancing at them in brief consideration. He does recognize their sight easily enough. ]
...A high-ranking scholar. Any other titles I should know about?
[ Sounds like a joke, but he is curious. ]
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[ He says it with pride, like it’s a title he’s waited his whole life to earn.
…Which is technically too. But because Blade sounds like he’s joking, G’raha throws in an extra one for him: ]
Crystal Exarch. That title was bestowed upon me and not one I selected myself. Nor aimed for.
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Well, he supposes he did ask. Considering the response, though? He does so happen to note that there's that pride. One he seems to like better over the other. ]
...Fancy titles.
But, you prefer one over the other.
[ May as well confirm that...? ]
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Now, I do not hold it against my people for giving that title to me nor do I regret it. ‘Tis simply part of my past now.
[ He couldn’t regret it. Too many good things came of it. ]
I do have a preference, indeed. Having a title as part of a group is much more fitting for someone like myself.
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And rare does he see those who are able to look ahead, leaving the past as the past. Even among the Stellaron Hunters, that remains the case. ]
...Considering how you have been, your answer doesn't surprise me.
[ Now, more than ever, perhaps. ]
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[ The one that almost turned into an argument, he means. ]
I've no option but to leave the past behind. While I still carry my experiences within my heart, if I wanted to follow through on my desire to press forward, it was imperative I let many of my responsibilities go.
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...You mentioned something like leaving the past behind in that last conversation. And...
[ There's a pause as he lets it all sink in again. The previous conversation where they practically were on either sides of the subject. ]
...Now we're here. [ ... ] I had never underestimated you.
But, I never realized how strong you were, until that topic. I won't be surprised if you won't waver, whatever the future holds for everyone here.
Even if it's unacceptable.
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I...
[ G'raha's hand rubs along his forearm. A nervous habit. ]
You think too highly of me. I should rightfully caution you to temper your expectations of me.
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It is only what I thought to say.
[ Is all Blade says on the matter, it seems. He isn't here to convince G'raha otherwise; he just said it because he feels it is true.
Though, seeing how nervous he is, maybe...these are words he should leave to others to communicate...no, he will just leave it.
Blade's never been good with people. And he isn't sure what else to say. Good job, gold star. ]
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[ He's glad for it, and when that initial wave of embarrassment wears off he looks at Blade with a soft, sincere smile. ]
I daresay that, coming from an individual like yourself, those words feel that much more full of meaning.
[ Blade doesn't hold back on his opinions, after all. He'll say exactly what he feels and G'raha is glad for it.
Which also means that when his sentiments are kind, it flusters him that much more. ]
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Are they? Never imagined someone would say that of whatever words I had to give.
[ But, apparently this is the case.
Blade's more or less truthfully someone who doesn't hold back his opinions; though he is to the point about them in the first place. ]
...But, this time I know I didn't say anything unpleasant. If you think that way, the disappointment that eventually arrives from my future conduct will be worse. Though, for now, it isn't.
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[ And he'll worry about what-ifs when they happen. Fretting over it now serves neither of them, he thinks, and it's why he offers a gentle smile rather than a harsh or scolding tone like before. ]
I did have a topic I was hoping to broach with you, if you would hear of it.
no subject
...You did.
[ Blade has...somewhat learned his lesson in that by now, beyond the practicality of not belaboring the matter, naturally, so he will say this; and, well, he is making some motions through how to interact with people (character development, maybe. Who knows.) But, on the other matter, he is a bit curious. ]
What is the topic?
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[ He lifts a hand to his chin. ]
Alisaie had transferred this treatment from the reflection of our star, where she treated individuals who were slowly losing their personhood and would eventually transform into a monster. [ He looks up at Blade. ] Both of these conditions were treatable by the method we uncovered.
So... I was wondering if this would be of interest to you. I wonder if it could uncover some of your memories.
[ G'raha pauses, sits back in his chair. ]
I apologize if I am overstepping, but I could not help but think back to this treatment as I pondered on your condition.
no subject
Not to say things weren't rough, that he didn't...uh, explode pretty hard here or there, or something, but the fact that he sit here and listen to it at all means something. ]
...I don't understand how it works.
[ He is curious about the more intricate details of it. ]
Recalling my memories isn't normally a good idea. It tends to exacerbate my condition.
[ Mara, that is. Granted he has other complications like phantom pains, and all that too, but Mara is at the forefront of it all. ]
Kafka had a way to suppress that condition. If there was a method I could use to do that or, in the extreme unlikelihood, be rid of it entirely, this 'tempering'...would potentially be of benefit.
no subject
[ He crosses his arms. ]
I will have to do my own research on the spell, as well as run tests to ensure that it would work and not exacerbate your symptoms. [ A pause. ] I would not run these tests on you.
The process is gradual. You likely will not feel anything new after two or three sessions.
no subject
It's anyone's guess, really. A part of him wants to desperately recall his childhood. There is no mistaking it. There can't be. ]
Maybe not.
It's hard to tell.
...But in the worst case scenario, you could use your magic to deal with me accordingly, I assume. After all, anything can always go wrong.
Though, the fact you offered this means that you are already even mentally preparing yourself.
[ Which is pretty impressive. G'raha going to this length to lend such a hand to him...a part of him even wonders if he deserves it at all. ]
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[ His sword and shield are sturdy enough that they could withstand any attacks that Blade would send his way.
Hopefully. ]
Which is why... I want you to deliberate on this idea of mine seriously. There is no need to make a decision right this moment.
cw: suicidal ideation
...Good.
[ Now he is even more inclined to accept this. Due to other personal, unhealthy reasons haven't exactly vaporized completely as of yet. He doesn't say anything else on the matter. ]
I've decided. I would like to try this method of yours out...should we both live.
After all, there is no guarantee of anything before then.
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There is not, much less ensuring you can arrive in Eorzea safely after the fact. However... we will find a way.
[ He pauses, thoughtful. ]
If I could manage to do this for you, the difficulty of arranging it would be well worth it.
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Whatever happens, he is an important facet to his life. ]
...I don't think I deserve this much thought.
But, I know what you would say, so don't worry about wasting your breath.
[ A little sly smile. Blade is saying in his own words he is kind of grateful. He's a difficult man; and he still thinks he'll make G'raha regret his association with him, but...the red-haired man is continuously persistent in ways he is familiar with - once again - and doesn't mind too much. ]
no subject
G'raha is, in fact, about to waste his breath and go on about friendship and what it means to him, so he quickly closes his mouth just after it opens. ]
Then I will not. So, I will instead give you some parting optimism.
[ A grin. ]
I know we can find a solution to your own issues.
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