[ ...Blade tries to weigh what to say, because here is where only Dan Heng would be able to answer for certain.
Therefore, he gives his best: ]
Dan Heng would only know the answer to that. Still, he could never truly separate those actions from himself because of that connection.
Vidyadhara's lives are all connected...
What he wants to do with his past - no matter how anyone else or I see him - is his choice alone. [ ... ] He may be in the process of still deciding.
...Therefore, it may be that no one can decide whether or not he has really wished to 'keep' that past of his or not.
[ This is all he can say. As someone who has yet to uncover all the parts of "Dan Heng", Blade can't say that the man is stuck in the past. But there is an identity crisis, and he knows he adds to it - even if he knows Dan Heng has made progress on that. ]
Yeah, you're right. Well, it's good that he has you. And you're being really thoughtful about him.
[ if he had come here with someone from home... mister yomi or even alma, that boy who'd been kind to him, he wonders if anything would have been different. would he have connected to his roommates? he knows a part of that is because he's using them as substitutes for his family, and... he just. he can't help it.
he will always be someone who yearns to belong.
he cycles back to blade's question moments ago. because, well, it's probably his turn to answer. ]
I weighed myself because... I need to go home, no matter what. My family is... everything. There's was no other choice, really...
[ he would follow any star if it pointed back to his family, take any path. ]
I died.
[ it isn't surprising how he reached that point. it felt like he had been born to walk straight into death. the escalation was predictable: every day a bruise closer to that steep cliff. only it wasn't so steep after all. the fall was short. ]
And then he found me. [ warmth, devotion. ] I think... that's why I believe you can make it last, Blade. If you stumble, then get up.
... Keep reaching out and someone will reach back. The next time you fall, they'll catch you.
[ Blade takes in a breath. He realizes the following words surprised him. That is, these:
I died.
Blade has reads between the lines. He thought - didn't he kill his shitty father? And then found his family?
...Is it that he returned alive after that death...? If he had reached his limit after doing the deed, maybe that isn't too surprisng, either, but he is trying to make sense of everything. So for awhile, he is a bit quiet. ]
You died. But then it wasn't the end for you? Because this person found you...?
[ ... ]
...I could burden someone easily. I am not an easy person to catch - to handle. There are times where I'm not even in my right mind.
And, if there is a price to pay for someone so thoughtful, I may not be able to return the proper amount.
[ he nods quietly. he thinks i became something else but doesn't say it. it's obviously, isn't it? the moment he killed, he was changed forever. ]
... It's up to the other person to decide how much they can bear.
[ just as it's up to dan heng to decide his identity. ]
And... it's up to the other person to decide if there needs to be a price for the weight. Have you considered that... they might just like you for who you are? Even if you're not in your right mind?
[ The day someone kills, they become someone else entirely. Blade would know that himself; but he knows that for himself happened long ago. ]
...I hadn't.
[ Is what he can only say. But Blade is more or less realizing that it could be possible. It seems inane.
Still, the only way he can find out is to explore what will happen. He will need to ponder, to think on this. Before he leaves, though? He will give some parting words: ]
There's a lot I hadn't considered. [ ... ] But, we'll see if it's enough.
[ Blade looks at Yoru as he says this. Yet, he will remember this, even as he gives a nod of his head, and moves to leave the area. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Therefore, he gives his best: ]
Dan Heng would only know the answer to that. Still, he could never truly separate those actions from himself because of that connection.
Vidyadhara's lives are all connected...
What he wants to do with his past - no matter how anyone else or I see him - is his choice alone. [ ... ] He may be in the process of still deciding.
...Therefore, it may be that no one can decide whether or not he has really wished to 'keep' that past of his or not.
[ This is all he can say. As someone who has yet to uncover all the parts of "Dan Heng", Blade can't say that the man is stuck in the past. But there is an identity crisis, and he knows he adds to it - even if he knows Dan Heng has made progress on that. ]
no subject
[ if he had come here with someone from home... mister yomi or even alma, that boy who'd been kind to him, he wonders if anything would have been different. would he have connected to his roommates? he knows a part of that is because he's using them as substitutes for his family, and... he just. he can't help it.
he will always be someone who yearns to belong.
he cycles back to blade's question moments ago. because, well, it's probably his turn to answer. ]
I weighed myself because... I need to go home, no matter what. My family is... everything. There's was no other choice, really...
no subject
[ Blade will admit to that. Mara means that such thoughtfulness may even be compromised at the drop of a hat; but even so, he says it nonetheless.
Though, with Yoru circling back to that question he had asked, he figures it still isn't surprising he had that amount of willpower.
People's important ones are their motivation; their drive, their everything. ]
You thought it would help reach them. [ ... ] How did you meet this family of yours, Yoru?
cw: implied child abuse, implied suicide
[ he would follow any star if it pointed back to his family, take any path. ]
I died.
[ it isn't surprising how he reached that point. it felt like he had been born to walk straight into death. the escalation was predictable: every day a bruise closer to that steep cliff. only it wasn't so steep after all. the fall was short. ]
And then he found me. [ warmth, devotion. ] I think... that's why I believe you can make it last, Blade. If you stumble, then get up.
... Keep reaching out and someone will reach back. The next time you fall, they'll catch you.
cw: continued for the above
I died.
Blade has reads between the lines. He thought - didn't he kill his shitty father? And then found his family?
...Is it that he returned alive after that death...? If he had reached his limit after doing the deed, maybe that isn't too surprisng, either, but he is trying to make sense of everything. So for awhile, he is a bit quiet. ]
You died. But then it wasn't the end for you? Because this person found you...?
[ ... ]
...I could burden someone easily. I am not an easy person to catch - to handle. There are times where I'm not even in my right mind.
And, if there is a price to pay for someone so thoughtful, I may not be able to return the proper amount.
cw: same
... It's up to the other person to decide how much they can bear.
[ just as it's up to dan heng to decide his identity. ]
And... it's up to the other person to decide if there needs to be a price for the weight. Have you considered that... they might just like you for who you are? Even if you're not in your right mind?
[ and that's enough. that's enough. ]
no subject
...I hadn't.
[ Is what he can only say. But Blade is more or less realizing that it could be possible. It seems inane.
Still, the only way he can find out is to explore what will happen. He will need to ponder, to think on this. Before he leaves, though? He will give some parting words: ]
There's a lot I hadn't considered. [ ... ] But, we'll see if it's enough.
[ Blade looks at Yoru as he says this. Yet, he will remember this, even as he gives a nod of his head, and moves to leave the area. ]