[ so he won’t regret caring for yoru? or for jin? they should talk about that, but there’s so many layers to this that they start blending together.
what jin said, what yoru said. there’s a difference between them, but sometimes, he wonders if it matters at all to the people he’s talking to.
does yoru mind? at times, yeah. right now he’s not sure. ]
I… Jin… did say it was up to you to decide how much you can bear for someone. So I won’t change your mind about that.
[ for once, jin is right. ]
He has always wanted to care about people, and for people to care about him. But I… am a leech.
[ which is to say, in that he’s like jin, but twisted and insidious. undeserved, as blade had said. ]
Still, you’d care? You won’t change your mind? You didn’t sign up to care about two people in one body.
[ Blade muses, remembering some of his interactions with others. He considered himself the very same when kindness has been expressed towards him. So, it's ironic, hearing someone saying that to him.
But, he knows now (understands), that Yoru's reasons for that are different than his. They are both sinners, for different reasons.
Maybe that is another reason it makes it harder to accept only just "one soul" of "two" in the same body. ]
There wasn't much I 'signed up for' as Blade. After a certain point, there were times I hardly had much...choice in what happened next - it simply is what it is. Maybe this is the same, in one sense. But, the choice to keep my mind on the same track is my own.
...Is it wrong, to you? I've come to know him. Even if you said what you had, I feel that there is still time to know you more. Through moments like these.
[ Ironic, he thinks as he mulls even if he cherishes and appreciates the Stellaron Hunters now, he was originally dragged in kicking and screaming. A brief, but darkly amused small smile graces his lips.
He doesn't think the comparison is apt, but maybe he's become more sentimental as a result. ]
Maybe you can tell me then. When you know me more, tell me what I am.
[ how could yoru take that choice away from blade? he can’t; he won’t. out of all the people here, there were so many others blade could choose to spend this moment with.
he picked yoru. like a silent shadow, he listened to jin. and initially, there was no reason for any of it.
it simply is what it is.
but it feels like more, something bigger. it’s not how he feels for water lily, though it too makes him feel as though he could be made of more tender things and he’d just never known. ]
You’re not just Blade. You’re… all the things you have been and all the things you could be. All the choices you’ve made and the ones you’ve passed on. Your reasons, and your sins. You’re… important to me… too.
But you’re not Water Lily, so I don’t know what to call you.
[ Blade pauses at the first words, letting them sink in. Yoru says something like that, and he isn't sure what to make of it. If he should ever tell him what he is...perhaps, from his own perspective. But, it is surprising still - though, it's something he will mull on. Whatever kind of answer he will arrive at. ]
...Maybe. Before, I wouldn't have accepted that.
[ His mind fashioned himself as only a "blade". A weapon - of vengeance, and one who pursued that other wretched goal too. But now...his gaze settles, instead of distant, considering. Not entirely too open, yet as warm as it is for him. ]
There are words, if you feel suit this undefined camaraderie. Maybe it will be easier to tell as we talk more.
[ Is 'camaraderie' still a word he should use? He doesn't know. They both know easier terms for their other important people, Blade is sure of it. Is it because they hadn't known each other fully? Yet, there was a deep connection? He does know he considers Yoru important as well. ]
I had already decided to consider you worth my loyalty. You too are someone who is more than one's own sins. An individual who carves his own path. Regardless of how it is done.
...It won't hurt, to share a drink. To commemorate the bond.
[ Let's be real, Blade definitely brought at least one bottle for this occasion. Though, Yoru doesn't have to entertain it. ]
[ a drink… he wonders if it’ll do anything for him. it’s hard to say if drinking turned their father into what he was… or if it had just made what was already rotten into something that could fester and spread. yoru shares his genes; would he be the same?
(he’s already a monster though. what would the difference be?)
he contemplates saying no, but… perhaps he’s too worn out to be mindful of that danger at the moment. it’s easier to just accept that he’s never felt in any danger with blade. he’s… safe here.
even if, like blade, he’s a ticking bomb.
and yet at the same time, he knows, inherently, that if he were a danger, blade would do what he must. and it would - it might hurt him, upset him to - because yoru, somehow, is worth his loyalty. (oh.) he doesn’t want to hurt blade.
but he will, probably. inevitably. ]
… Okay with me, but not Jin. He won’t drink, ever. Not after our father.
[ … ]
But I trust that you’ll stop me if I lose control. I don’t know - I’ve never tried drinking, but it does seem fun. Sometimes.
[ Blade doesn't make a habit of indulging in too much of it at once, even if he does like to from time to time. He knows his limits, regardless of what kind of body he has nowadays. He remains silent for a bit to see how Yoru will react, to hear what he will say.
In some ways, it might be like the calm before the storm.
But, perhaps that is what makes it more pleasant. More monumental, than if it were something excessively chaotic.
Blade grants a nod at the response. ]
Just with you.
[ Instead of Jin, of course - he'll be fine with that, remembering what was said from bits and pieces about that wretched man. At this point, he begins to pour the drinks into the two glasses he brought with him. ]
It does. There are many reasons why people drink. To party, to celebrate, to commemorate, to encourage, and many more that can even make bonds that seem like they'll persist no matter where of the people involved have gone. Separate ways, or otherwise.
...I'll have no problem stopping you if necessary. [ He has trust in that. He won't let it get out of hand. ] For now, going at it slowly, and not overdoing it should help.
Or a crutch, an escape. I don’t know if that stupid man thought of it as either - maybe he was just too blind to see that he was drowning in place.
[ chained to that dingy apartment, where everything had started for yoru. and ended, too. yes… it had ended there. the old life locked up, and the murderer had been creditless because he hadn't had a name then. ]
But you’re saying people drink this to say, “see you later,” like a good thing.
[ he takes the offered glass and, after a moment’s rueful hesitation, takes a drink. a little bitter, he thinks, not unpleasantly so. it doesn’t taste like escape. ]
[ Blade listens silently, figuring he must be speaking about that wretched person that was killed. There was only one hated individual he remembers clearly Jin spoke of, even if before he never was so rough with his language in referring to this individual he once lived with - was entrapped by.
This is why he grants pause, not only because of those words, but also the gesture is certainly is a bit more than that to him. But, first... ]
It will. If you want it to.
[ Blade can't even say it isn't recommended, given how cruel either one of them have been. And then there is everything else that has lead up to this point. ]
That man you spoke of was worthless; foolish.
But, neither of us are like him.
This moment is something that can commemorate this bond. I don't know how we will communicate, after everything is said and done. Maybe it won't be constant. Though, not seeing each other's face again or much isn't something that will necessarily bring about an end to it.
[ Blade does truly wish for it to stay, and maybe it will, even if they can't meet again. After this, he does manage to take a sip. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
what jin said, what yoru said. there’s a difference between them, but sometimes, he wonders if it matters at all to the people he’s talking to.
does yoru mind? at times, yeah. right now he’s not sure. ]
I… Jin… did say it was up to you to decide how much you can bear for someone. So I won’t change your mind about that.
[ for once, jin is right. ]
He has always wanted to care about people, and for people to care about him. But I… am a leech.
[ which is to say, in that he’s like jin, but twisted and insidious. undeserved, as blade had said. ]
Still, you’d care? You won’t change your mind? You didn’t sign up to care about two people in one body.
no subject
[ Blade muses, remembering some of his interactions with others. He considered himself the very same when kindness has been expressed towards him. So, it's ironic, hearing someone saying that to him.
But, he knows now (understands), that Yoru's reasons for that are different than his. They are both sinners, for different reasons.
Maybe that is another reason it makes it harder to accept only just "one soul" of "two" in the same body. ]
There wasn't much I 'signed up for' as Blade. After a certain point, there were times I hardly had much...choice in what happened next - it simply is what it is. Maybe this is the same, in one sense. But, the choice to keep my mind on the same track is my own.
...Is it wrong, to you? I've come to know him. Even if you said what you had, I feel that there is still time to know you more. Through moments like these.
[ Ironic, he thinks as he mulls even if he cherishes and appreciates the Stellaron Hunters now, he was originally dragged in kicking and screaming. A brief, but darkly amused small smile graces his lips.
He doesn't think the comparison is apt, but maybe he's become more sentimental as a result. ]
no subject
[ how could yoru take that choice away from blade? he can’t; he won’t. out of all the people here, there were so many others blade could choose to spend this moment with.
he picked yoru. like a silent shadow, he listened to jin. and initially, there was no reason for any of it.
it simply is what it is.
but it feels like more, something bigger. it’s not how he feels for water lily, though it too makes him feel as though he could be made of more tender things and he’d just never known. ]
You’re not just Blade. You’re… all the things you have been and all the things you could be. All the choices you’ve made and the ones you’ve passed on. Your reasons, and your sins. You’re… important to me… too.
But you’re not Water Lily, so I don’t know what to call you.
no subject
...Maybe. Before, I wouldn't have accepted that.
[ His mind fashioned himself as only a "blade". A weapon - of vengeance, and one who pursued that other wretched goal too. But now...his gaze settles, instead of distant, considering. Not entirely too open, yet as warm as it is for him. ]
There are words, if you feel suit this undefined camaraderie. Maybe it will be easier to tell as we talk more.
[ Is 'camaraderie' still a word he should use? He doesn't know. They both know easier terms for their other important people, Blade is sure of it. Is it because they hadn't known each other fully? Yet, there was a deep connection? He does know he considers Yoru important as well. ]
I had already decided to consider you worth my loyalty. You too are someone who is more than one's own sins. An individual who carves his own path. Regardless of how it is done.
...It won't hurt, to share a drink. To commemorate the bond.
[ Let's be real, Blade definitely brought at least one bottle for this occasion. Though, Yoru doesn't have to entertain it. ]
no subject
(he’s already a monster though. what would the difference be?)
he contemplates saying no, but… perhaps he’s too worn out to be mindful of that danger at the moment. it’s easier to just accept that he’s never felt in any danger with blade. he’s… safe here.
even if, like blade, he’s a ticking bomb.
and yet at the same time, he knows, inherently, that if he were a danger, blade would do what he must. and it would - it might hurt him, upset him to - because yoru, somehow, is worth his loyalty. (oh.) he doesn’t want to hurt blade.
but he will, probably. inevitably. ]
… Okay with me, but not Jin. He won’t drink, ever. Not after our father.
[ … ]
But I trust that you’ll stop me if I lose control. I don’t know - I’ve never tried drinking, but it does seem fun. Sometimes.
It makes people smile more.
no subject
In some ways, it might be like the calm before the storm.
But, perhaps that is what makes it more pleasant. More monumental, than if it were something excessively chaotic.
Blade grants a nod at the response. ]
Just with you.
[ Instead of Jin, of course - he'll be fine with that, remembering what was said from bits and pieces about that wretched man. At this point, he begins to pour the drinks into the two glasses he brought with him. ]
It does. There are many reasons why people drink. To party, to celebrate, to commemorate, to encourage, and many more that can even make bonds that seem like they'll persist no matter where of the people involved have gone. Separate ways, or otherwise.
...I'll have no problem stopping you if necessary. [ He has trust in that. He won't let it get out of hand. ] For now, going at it slowly, and not overdoing it should help.
no subject
[ chained to that dingy apartment, where everything had started for yoru. and ended, too. yes… it had ended there. the old life locked up, and the murderer had been creditless because he hadn't had a name then. ]
But you’re saying people drink this to say, “see you later,” like a good thing.
[ he takes the offered glass and, after a moment’s rueful hesitation, takes a drink. a little bitter, he thinks, not unpleasantly so. it doesn’t taste like escape. ]
… Do you think our bond will stay?
no subject
This is why he grants pause, not only because of those words, but also the gesture is certainly is a bit more than that to him. But, first... ]
It will. If you want it to.
[ Blade can't even say it isn't recommended, given how cruel either one of them have been. And then there is everything else that has lead up to this point. ]
That man you spoke of was worthless; foolish.
But, neither of us are like him.
This moment is something that can commemorate this bond. I don't know how we will communicate, after everything is said and done. Maybe it won't be constant. Though, not seeing each other's face again or much isn't something that will necessarily bring about an end to it.
[ Blade does truly wish for it to stay, and maybe it will, even if they can't meet again. After this, he does manage to take a sip. ]